i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
