So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
