Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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