Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
