I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
