***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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