I am spending my child support on dildos
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
