i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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