If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
