i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
