the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
