i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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