The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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