I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
