Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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