WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
