Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
