So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my phone needs a breathalizer
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
