Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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