We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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