I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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