She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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