week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
