glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
