you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize