I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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