My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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