I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
