I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
