I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
