I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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