so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize