I wish I could teleport
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize