dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
