it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
