well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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