Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
barbara walters just said penis...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
