smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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