the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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