You're my little dorito
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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