no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
