First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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