my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
