Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
True but thats because hes a fetus.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
