I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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