Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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