i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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