Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize