You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
