the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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