I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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