How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
