THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
