There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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