I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
