Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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