ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize