you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
