And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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