Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
