Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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