I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
