My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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