it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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