You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
