i would punch a child for taco bell
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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